A Message from the Test Monster…

De Cito Eindtoets Basisonderwijs.

Image by Onderwijsgek via Wikipedia

I’d like to introduce myself.

I am a creature right there in your educational system which excels at scaring your students.  20 years ago, I was alive but in hiding, waiting for the right moment to leap out and snatch the fun right of teachers’ hard-working hands.

I am the Test Monster.

I have bubbles all over me, each one of them marked a letter ranging from A through E. I lie in wait, forcing children to grasp tightly to a #2 pencil while sitting on a hard, plastic chair for hours.  I make kids sweat, and raise their anxiety and stress levels far higher than any old horror movie ever could.

I am the Test Monster, and I take up more of you teachers’ precious time than ever before! I live by several names, depending where your school is: assessments, standardized tests, SATs, ACTs, and others even more hideous than you can imagine.

Whatever name you want to call me, I know that you can’t stand me. I can smell your irritation from your houses, your classrooms, your teachers’ desks (the ones covered with all that paper), and your laptops. No one can stop me, not even Superman!

I am the Kryptonite that weakens your schools. Better yet, I weaken your children.  My bubbles are so insidious, if that’s all they see, soon the students won’t be able to think for themselves any longer. That’s when I’ll have them.

Creativity and outside-the-box thinking? Ridiculous! They are not allowed when wrestling with me.  Students must use their left brain only, and conform to my way doing things. Number two pencils! Bubble in each circle thoroughly! Do not go past the STOP sign! Do not complete any other section of the test!

Finally, after the pencils are dulled along with your class spirit, your school will be judged on my criteria.

One visit by me can make or break how the public sees your school, and your effectiveness. You better hope the scores are adequate, otherwise your funding may drop, your neighborhood property values may plummet…or even worse, your principals may start to wonder how valuable you really are.

There are teachers out there who dare to challenge me. These teachers are the bane of my existence! These so-called “inspiring teachers” won’t lose any sleep over my desire to ruin their districts, because they know the secret to defeating me: creativity and divergent thinking must be fostered, not buried and forgotten like a one-hit wonder by The Vapors.

I warn you–don’t listen to them!  Just get your #2 pencils ready, and prep your kids.

It’s Bubble Time!


About CaptainAdjective

Creative teacher, divergent thinker, National Writing Project fellow. Master of french toast. Saving the future one class at a time...

Posted on February 21, 2012, in Test Monster and tagged , , , , , , , , , . Bookmark the permalink. 3 Comments.

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